Next Steps

I was re-reading my prior blog entry and was reminded that while I was working at Tauernhof I was praying about the next step in my life. Let's be honest, I've been wondering about the next step pretty much continuously since I graduated from college. Well, it turns out I somehow failed to notice the next step until I was thousands of miles away from home, at a Bible school in the Austrian mountains (ah, timing).

As many of you know I am passionate about orphans and adoption. I am fairly convinced that I will adopt a child at some point in life. Occasionally I look up photolistings of children waiting to be adopted and pray for them by name. I even had the opportunity earlier this year to spend 3 amazing months at Grace Children's Home, an orphanage in Mexico. Not getting it yet? (I can't blame you... after all, it took me almost 5 years to figure it out). I'll spare you the brain strain and give it to you straight.

The

next

step

is.....

........

........

Graduate school!

I am hoping to go to graduate school this Fall for a Master's degree in social work (MSW)--the goal being a career in child welfare, adoptions, foster care, etc.

That said, I am in the process of applying to 6 different programs in 6 different states in the US (I looked to see if there were any programs abroad but had no luck... I guess it's time for me to stay Domestic for a while).

Where am I applying you ask? The schools in the running are:
San Jose State University (California)
Portland State University (Oregon)
University of Kansas (Kansas, duh)
University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign (Illinois)
Asbury University (Kentucky)
Boston College (Massachusetts)

I am excited to pursue this long-awaited next step and appreciate prayers for the application process.

Update Long Overdue!

I'm going to try to make this short...

My post a few months back about being in the Spring of life and just beginning to discover things about life has been blooming. This last month I:

*Have made friends with the Summer Program students who are amazing, loving, and encouraging--a great change from Spring school where I felt pretty lonely a lot of the time.

*Have been learning the difference between trying to love people well on my own versus loving Jesus and allowing Him to love others through me. When I try I fail... miserably. When I focus on just loving God it seems like there is more love and joy than I can contain. That has been really cool to see in the developing friendships I have here.

*Have been pondering the possibility of going back to school for a Masters of Social Work Masters Degree so that I can work in International adoptions and foster care

*Have had the opportunity to go summit 3 mountains and spend 6 days on the trail where I have experienced more community with the students and some great times enjoying God's creation here in the Alps (one of the mountains was 3,000 meters high! About 9000 ft!)

However, even while things are crazy in bloom in my life there are still struggles along the way. At this point in my time here at Bible school, I feel a bit restless. I have discovered aspects about missions that I like and aspects I don't like and in a lot of ways I feel ready to leave this place and start taking some new steps into the directions God is laying out for me. That said, I would appreciate prayers for contentment and endurance for my remaining time here. And also prayers for continued direction for whatever the "next steps" may be for me. One interesting message from one of the lectures that I attended here... the lecturer said that in life it will often be the mundane moments that are the most difficult to get through, not the crises or the huge disappointments, but the everyday. I think that is so true for my life. In the really hard times I can't deny God's presence, but in the routine of life it is easy to forget about His faithfulness. My prayer for me and whoever is reading this is that we can experience the fulness of life and joy in Christ even when we are cleaning the bathroom, cooking dinner, brushing our teeth, etc. etc.

There is so much more that I would love to tell, but I think I've reached my quota for the day. I'll try more frequent and shorter posts again in the future :) Thanks for all your support as I learn how to live with Christ and serve with Him here in Austria!

Some Things I'm Learning

Alright, alright, I admit it. After all my traveling to different countries and being away at University, etc. I am finally, maybe for the first time, experiencing...

homesickness

I honestly never thought it would happen to me. I mean, when I am away from home I usually realize some things that I really appreciate about where I come from. But apart from that I have always been too busy with where I am away from home to be too homesick.

But, as always, God has come and met me in the midst of my very first bout of homesickness--just like He always does, and like I never quite expect Him to (if I'm honest). For instance, as I have been missing home, God has been confronting me with questions about my life and about my idea of "home."

I led a devotion for the staff here about a week ago, and the topic that I felt like I should share came out of one of my biggest "fears" in life: settling down and living in one place for "the rest of my life." Recently, God's prompting to me has come out of Nehemiah's story in the Bible. How his city was in destruction. People were broken. The city wall was broken. And Nehemiah's first response to all this news of brokenness was to sit down and to weep before God. As I thought about my fear of staying an undetermined amount of time in one place I thought that maybe a deeper fear I have is that then I would see the broken places. See beyond the surface of the drug scene in Santa Cruz. Begin to see the individual lives that are falling apart. See a city that I love without my rose tinted lenses of being a continent away and longing to be home. There's a lot more in Nehemiah's story that is speaking to me right now (if you want to hear more email me for the sake of this already really long blog). And through it all, God is asking me if I am willing to go somewhere (home or not) and stay put for a while. He is asking me if I, like Nehemiah, am willing to see the broken places and to mourn over them--with Him. And, like Nehemiah, if I am willing to take my sorrows over that place and move to action in an effort to restore that place.

Part of me says, "yes! I would love to move back home and to really get connected there, lay down some roots and see how God will use me. I am willing!" While another part says, "I love Santa Cruz, but my heart is beating more for the poor areas of the world." Still another part says, "I would love to move back home--as long as I can still wear the rose colored glasses and not get too close to the brokenness." So, God is speaking to me about home. And, I think He will continue to reveal things to me while I am here in Austria. And, to be honest, it has been hard being here. Nothing like what I did in Mexico. I loved the ministry there, and feel disconnected from the ministry here. But even in that God is revealing things to me. Like, what types of ministry I don't want to do long term. While I am thankful for the direction, I have also been asking Him why He has me here so long though when I seem to know already that this ministry is not the one for me... I guess we'll see!

One more cool way God has worked recently: the other day I was feeling a bit down and just asked God if He would send me a friend. I was on the campus here and thought that maybe I'd see a student sitting outside or a staff member to chat with. But nobody was really around. So I came in to my computer and got on facebook. Then, not a minute after I was on facebook, one of my really close lifelong friends got on and sent me a message. I was excited to hear from him, but didn't think anything of it until the end of our conversation when I remembered my prayer and told him that I had prayed for a friend and God had given me him. Then, this friend of mine told me that about 5 minutes before we talked he had prayed the same prayer! I think this is so incredible and awesome how God works in such small, but significant ways. And I was only thinking of myself when I prayed for a friend. But God used the situation to show that He is caring very specifically for me and for this friend of mine. To me it was a real blessing too, because God could have given me a conversation with a student here who I don't know that well. We could have talked about the weather. Or about a recent lecture. Which would have been good and an answer to prayer still the same. But God always chooses something better than I can think. He gave me a friend that knows me well. A friend that knows where I come from (healing the homesickness).

Cliff notes version of this blog entry and of my status in Austria:

God is good and so much bigger than I can begin to understand.

Another Good Song I'm Enjoying Lately

On Fire by Switchfoot

They tell you where you need to go

tell you when you need to leave

They tell you what you need to know

tell you who you need to be

Everything inside you knows there's more than what you've heard

There's so much more than empty conversations

filled with empty words

And you're on fire when He's near you

You're on fire when He speaks

You're on fire burning at

these mysteries

You give me one more time around

give me one more chance to see

You give me everything you are

give me one more chance to be near you

When everything inside me looks like everything I hate

You are the hope I have for change

You are the only chance I'll take

When I'm on fire when You're near me

I'm on fire when You speak

I'm on fire burning at

these mysteries

mysteries

mysteries

You're on fire

You're on fire

I'm standing on the edge of me

I'm standing on the edge of me

I'm standing on the edge of me

I'm standing on the edge of me

I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before

and I'm standing on the edge of me

I'm standing on the edge

And I'm on fire when You're near me

I'm on fire when You speak

I'm on fire burning at

these mysteries

About Time for an Update...

Update time!

So, the students have been here for two weeks now (I think??? I lose track of time here...). It's been really fun and quite busy getting to know some of them. There are 70 students from Canada, the US, England, Costa Rica, Germany and Switzerland. It's awesome to have so many different cultures meshing together.

Actually, though, it is kind of difficult to really develop friendships with the students while I am serving here as staff. Perhaps I am meant to just serve as more of a mentor figure, but I was hoping to make some good friends with students as well. It hasn't been that long and friendship takes a while to develop... but I find myself losing hope and maybe even losing a bit of motivation to develop friendships. On the other hand, I am making some friends with the other "kitchen girls" as we are called :) Which is great and a sure answer to prayer. And I realize, also, that God will use me in the lives of the students. I am actually helping to lead a family group here of 7 students. We have met once, but our group really connected and I am excited to see how God will work in those students' lives. We have one girl from Germany, one Swiss guy, maybe 2 Canadians and 3 Americans. I am really thankful for that time to meet in a smaller group for Bible study and "family" time.

Okay, I'll end with a funny story. So, today I was vacuuming in the main house. I was responsible for two floors, so I had been vacuuming for quite a while. I was feeling pretty good about it. Then all of a sudden the vaccum handle slipped out of my hands and behind me, but I was able to do some sort of ballet looking move to prevent it from falling. It felt really graceful looking and I had the feeling that if it had been filmed it would have looked pretty awesome. So... maybe that story isn't really so exciting. But when you're cleaning all day long you find strange things to be entertaining :)

Thank you all for your prayers! Because of them I can take joy in my suave vacuuming skills! But really, I have felt very encouraged and I am positive it is because of all your prayers back home. Please continue to pray that I may listen for God's leading with my free time here. And that I can invest in some of the students' lives and get over my lack of motivation to build relationships with students who are just going to leave in a month and a half.

Arrivals!

The students started to arrive yesterday and it feels so good to finally see some of the faces of those I will be serving here for the next months.

Actually, the other day I asked myself, "what am I doing here?" (Pastor Randy, I think it was you who said I would probably ask myself this question... didn't take long did it?) But then I had to smile at myself, because isn't that how the Christian life should be? Where even we begin to ask ourselves "what am I doing serving the Lord in this crazy and 'non-sensical' way He has called me?" Not that I think I've got the Christian life all figured out. To be honest, so far it has been challenging to be here. Lonely. Confusing. A lot of my not-so-favorite work. But it's becoming a lot of fun too--especially, as I said, with the arrival of the students. It's been a lot of learning what it looks like to trust and believe that God has me here for a reason. A lot of new faces. The beginnings of some new friends. And it's only been two weeks!

As I am meeting the students and really diving into the ministry I've been called to here I am praying for an open heart toward each of the students, for grace and patience with them and with my work duties, for God to work in my heart and in my hands while I am here.

Lord, you are the giver and the sustainer of the fullest life I could ever know. May You be glorified. Amen.

My Spring

My first week here in Austria has been good so far. I have done a lot of cleaning--toilets, showers, rooms, dishes (don't worry, not in that order), and some cooking. The students are not here yet and won't arrive until the 25th, and most of the other staff is on vacation, so it has been quiet. Which has been nice, but also a bit lonely. At the same time it has been kind of nice to settle in here in the peaceful quiet. To get to know those who are here slowly. To think about why I am here doing what I am doing. To watch as the Austrian Alpine Spring season is blooming before my eyes.

Actually, in just this first week the trees have gone from twigs to the beginnings of some really beautiful purple blossoms. Each day I find that I am excited to walk out onto the lawn to see how much the buds have opened up overnight. But in some way I feel a kind of aching, or maybe it's even gratitude in a sense, as I watch Spring taking shape. Even though it is so stunning, there is something that gets me about this unveiling of Spring after Winter. In some ways I suppose I can see myself in the trees. See how before I knew God I was like a withered twig, yet He took me in my ugliness and made me beautiful. Gave me life and started growing me little by little. I dunno. Maybe I am in a sort of Spring season in my life. Where I am finding out what I was made for. And am just starting to show it.