Monday, December 8, 2008

Here I am again, wondering what the heck I am doing/supposed to do with my life. It seems that every Winter this question rises up within me again along with that longing that the cooler weather brings. Kinda makes me more introspective. And the cooler weather keeps me bundled up indoors with my thoughts, sometimes more than I'd like. (Okay, I realize that this all makes it seem like it's really cold here, which, it's not... but you know, the change in seasons and the winter chill. Maybe that's what I should call it. The winter chill). 

Currently I'm still working as an intern at Mount Hermon Christian Conference Center. The work in the Book Shop is pretty good, but I'm running into the contentment barricade. And I have every reason to be content and grateful for a job and free housing and some free meals. But at the same time I long to be in a more relational job. Somehow I am always on a quest to find more meaning in my work. 

Which is why I love working with the youth at my church. The relationships there are slow to grow, but I am enjoying just spending time with the students. It's stretching me too, because I have had the opportunity to do some Sunday School teaching--which means public speaking, which is always a challenge for me. But I have been encouraged in that this year because the students seem to enjoy my "lessons." Something I never seem to expect. I think God is urging me to embrace confidence in Him and in myself (Him working through me). 

But back to what I mentioned at the beginning here, I feel as though I should be developing a more clear picture of what I'm meant to do--if there is such a thing. I'm having trouble even describing what my dream job would be. I'm not sure why, either. Is it fear that is stopping me even from dreaming? I do still have plenty of ideas for the future though. As always : )

And I do see vaguely how God might be aligning some of my interests. I just keep moving forward with expectancy. During my quiet times God seems to be (I don't want to put words in His mouth) calling me to be a woman of patience, waiting and rest. In one sense it's difficult to just rest in Him and to trust. But in another it brings me comfort, because in it I can sense that He is doing something that I can't yet fully see or understand. I know He's always working in and through my circumstances. I'm working at resisting the restlessness that springs up in me so often.

So, there's a thorough update on the fringes of my inner life. 

Words of wisdom and encouragement are always welcome : )

Expectant in Him,

Emily