How It Hurts

Today (Tuesday)I am asking a lot of hard questions about life at the orphanage. Here’s one instance. Things are donated here all the time so the kids are accustomed to getting “new” things. But they don’t know how to care for their belongings because they have no sense of ownership over them. The girls even stockpile all the underwear in one drawer in one of the bedrooms and most of them are falling apart or plain baggy on the girls. So today I was going to our storage unit to see if there were more to divvy out. When I looked up there most seemed to be used donated underwear and another intern and I thought we should buy some new ones so they might last longer. Well, another staff member here had spent a lot of time going through donations and saving these pairs. So, when we didn’t use them she was offended. And she also reasoned that the girls don’t care for their belongings and that they will just get used and mistreated anyway, so why not use the donated ones. And she has a point. But I am not here year round like she is and in my heart I want to give the girls new things. Even if they are just underwear. I guess my philosophy is that I am to give and give, and give up the expectation that my gifts will be treated well. My part is to give. Beyond that I am to teach the girls responsibility with their things. I heard a speaker put it like this: Working with the poor should be a reflection of God’s grace. We should give to them knowing that they may not value the gift. Like God gives us forgiveness time and again and His love knowing that we may not value it and treasure it. Some people say that that doesn’t teach people proper care for things or good stewardship. But what if God acted that way with me. I will only give you one more chance for forgiveness and if you mess it up, I won’t give it to you again… that wouldn’t go over so well. So, I think there is a responsibility to teach people how to care for things they are given. But I also think I need to keep giving and giving of myself and of material necessities even when people fail to care for them. But it is really hard to watch the misuse of things that you give people. It makes me ache sometimes to watch how the kids interact with their possessions or don’t value the time a volunteer is taking to be here with them. But then isn’t that just a tiny portion of the ache God must feel when we don’t value His presence with us. When we misuse our bodies, our money, our time. Today I see God. But today how I see Him hurts.