Currently I'm still working as an intern at Mount Hermon Christian Conference Center. The work in the Book Shop is pretty good, but I'm running into the contentment barricade. And I have every reason to be content and grateful for a job and free housing and some free meals. But at the same time I long to be in a more relational job. Somehow I am always on a quest to find more meaning in my work.
Which is why I love working with the youth at my church. The relationships there are slow to grow, but I am enjoying just spending time with the students. It's stretching me too, because I have had the opportunity to do some Sunday School teaching--which means public speaking, which is always a challenge for me. But I have been encouraged in that this year because the students seem to enjoy my "lessons." Something I never seem to expect. I think God is urging me to embrace confidence in Him and in myself (Him working through me).
But back to what I mentioned at the beginning here, I feel as though I should be developing a more clear picture of what I'm meant to do--if there is such a thing. I'm having trouble even describing what my dream job would be. I'm not sure why, either. Is it fear that is stopping me even from dreaming? I do still have plenty of ideas for the future though. As always : )
And I do see vaguely how God might be aligning some of my interests. I just keep moving forward with expectancy. During my quiet times God seems to be (I don't want to put words in His mouth) calling me to be a woman of patience, waiting and rest. In one sense it's difficult to just rest in Him and to trust. But in another it brings me comfort, because in it I can sense that He is doing something that I can't yet fully see or understand. I know He's always working in and through my circumstances. I'm working at resisting the restlessness that springs up in me so often.
So, there's a thorough update on the fringes of my inner life.
Words of wisdom and encouragement are always welcome : )
Expectant in Him,
Emily
4 comments:
Well, I don't know that I have any words of wisdom, but I at least read your blog so I'll comment anyway!
Not knowing my future/direction/dream job is something that really resonates with me. I know I'm still in college, but I'm trying to prepare for after college, and different futures require different steps right now. I always seem to oscillate with how ok I am with it. Sometimes, it's overwhelming and frustrating. Other times, I actually am in a moment of trusting God, and it's so amazing. I know that He has a plan for me and will bring it to full fruition eventually. Even if I don't get to know it ahead of time or even as things happen. Sometimes I think God doesn't let us know what His plan for us is because we're not ready for it. I would be way overwhelmed if I knew everything I'd be going through right now, and might've had the sense to pick an easier major like business or recreation. But because I didn't know, Go was able to lead me into and through physics, strengthening me as it gets hard.
I also want to do something meaningful, and even relational because that seems to be more meaningful. I don't see how being in a lab for hours on end and doing physics problems is really going to make a difference anywhere. So I've thought about teaching physics, where I could connect with the students. But I don't know about that either, because I like the challenge of learning more rather than teaching the same thing year after year. Sorry, I guess I'm in a rambling mood. Random thought: many interns at MH seem to share your sentiments. It seems like a good position for it since you're provided for (housing, food), growing, and having fun while still trying to figure out what to do. It's both terrifying and encouraging to see so many people older than me that are just as clueless. Maybe after graduating I should become an intern at Mount Hermon... :-P
I'll wrap up this REALLY long comment with one more thought: the only constructive way I have found to deal with my lack of knowledge of the future is to trust God. I don't like doing it, but it's a lot more pleasant than stressing out. And trusting Him with stuff that big is definitely an adventure.
Em,
I am in the same boat.
Thanks for updating and for sharing your thoughts. I think you hit on the important part though - God calls us to be patient. His main desire is for us to be in relationship with Him. So while we wait for many things, we want to make sure that we are growing closer to Him. :)
Valerie
This is completely random, but every time I read the first line of this blog, I get the song "Pour Out My Heart" stuck in my head.
Oh Miss Emily,
I think we who desire to follow closely to God's desire for us are always seeking to find meaning in our work and in our lives.
I have finally come to see this search for meaning as a blessing rather than a frustration. (which I used to) Why a blessing? Because if we are faithful to seek the things of God He is faithful to reveal His heart to us!
This is not to say it will happen over night, but if you are seeking Him rest assured that He will show up.
I know that I am thankful for you and your passion for the students and for God. I am trusting that God is going to develop you into the woman He created you to be. Don't allow your unanswered questions to keep you from living as one fully loved by God no matter where you are or what you are doing. God is big enough to use us just as we are just where we are.
Keep on seeking, living and loving.
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